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My uncle died.

22.04.03 (12.40)

I'm supposed to be up and running and taking a shower and doing things that need to be done before I get on a bus to town.

But I'm not doing them. My uncle died last night. This morning. My father got the call at about 5 am I think, and I hadn't fallen asleep yet, so I heard the phone and thought "Oh, so he died now." and then promptly fell asleep. Because it's what I do?

It's odd you know, knowing that someone will die, knowing it for over a year. And then suddenly it happens. It's just not right. Though there was time to say goodbye, and he was in so much pain at the end, it's probably best for everyone. In the long run.

We came home yesterday and now we have to leave again on Saturday. Again with the ten hour drive. And the crying. And my grandmother who is old and a little off, in ways. In those ways, the misplacing keys, forgetting to eat, forgetting names and dates and times and who's died and who hasn't ways. The way old people get old. And my uncle died, and I'm sort of numb and mostly just tired and I have to take a shower and get dressed and pretend to do things for my drivers ed class today. But I can't muster up the energy to move, let alone do sensible things.

I'll have to talk to my driving instructor and tell him that I can't have any lessons yet. For two weeks or so. Though I guess I could this week, but I don't want to. I hope he's kind, I don't know if he is.

Maybe I should just say screw the drivers ed stuff and pick up my book and go to a coffee shop and read. And float around for a while in my own little world. Where people wouldn't die and my biggest worry is what I'll read when the book is finished. I'd much rather do that right now.

And my birthday is in just under a month. 21st of May. I'll be 20. that's fun.

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