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I'm here, I'm queer and I'm living in the past for a moment.

20.02.03 (23.50)

I love you all, but I am not a gay boy. I could wish I was one, at times I do. At times I wish I was a straight boy. At times I just wish I was straight. But, believe it or not, I am not a boy. I am not a male. Biologically female, and quite comfortably so. And this public announcement was brought to you because of the latest entry in my guestbook. However, I do appreciate the thought, and am flattered that you did indeed believe I was a guy. (though I'd be a pretty soft one, considering my latest entry... Then again, I'd be a gay guy, so I could be one of the soft gay guys. Yepp)

And let me say this, because I feel that to put only that little announcement up as an entry would be sorta stupid, and selling myself short, especially when i have so much to say... (and did you notice that the sentence ends before I actually say what I intended to say? Commas are not my friends:>) I like gay guys. In particular I like TH, who's my darling gay best friend. And so much better than the softie gay guys, who are bothersome to butch little girl dykes like myself:p And I like it when boys in general touch eachother, because it's cute, and boys are less prone to random touching than girls. And I don't mind it when these boys touch each other, and are all sorts of hot and bothered. But when there are two (or only one, even) naked boys, my "ewww, boys" part kicks in and goes into overdrive. It isn't the things that two naked boys could do together, it's just the non-appeal of said naked boys. I explained this to Grrr and TH, and felt like less of a freak when TH completely agreed with me:> Only when it comes to naked girls, in his case.

But if there is a naked boy in front of me (mostly on pictures, naked boys don't tend to suddenly appear in front of me just like that.), I'm most likely to look at his hipbones. I like hipbones... Whether they be on a girl or a guy, I like them... TH said it's 'cause they're so androgonous, and he's probably right, I like androgony too. And I like bits and pieces of naked boys, but the whole thing right infront of me (again, on a screen) is just disturbing... Though, if I ever become straight, I'll fall for older men. 'Cause I'm that big of a cliche... This revelation came when I bought a Tom Waits CD today. That's OK, as long as I cringe when I see naked guys, I'm all good:>

In other news. I have seen the girl I had a crush on ages ago again. The one I liked back when I was in the tenth grade, who's never really featured big in this diary, 'cause I didn't get it 'til the first grade in videregående (high school'ish). But still, the girl. And I saw her last Thursday. And I stared. (I couldn't help myself! She's still drop dead gorgeous:>) And she stared back. And seemed to recognize me. Which makes no sense, 'cause I saw her four times in the year I had a crush on her. And she does not know me. And then I saw her again on Tuesday, twice. And she still stared. It's disenheartening. And somewhat amusing. Oops, six of my last eight sentences began with And... Bad language! Ah well. But she stared, and I stared, and... gah.

Also, got a message from M all of a sudden, just like that. Which is well and good, and kind of nice in a way. She's in rehab, which is not so good. Though of course, good in that she's rehab'ing, but bad in that she has to rehab. I'm still in semi-shock, 'cause I knew that she'd done stuff before she met me, but she was over it then, and I guess I just thought she'd remain off it. (atleast I was a better influence than the girlfriend that came after me... Bad thoughts, but... Yeah.) Fucked up. But it isn't my fault, and I won't worry about it, and I'll talk to her via phone if she wants me to, and all's well. You know, I'm just happy she sent me a text message just like that, it was sweet:> She told me today that she'd dreamt about me, and had to get in touch, but had to get up her courage for a few days... which made me smile, just because.

And I think I know what I want to do with my life. Litterature for a while, and then Social Science/whatever you want to call it, all related to various indigenous groups, Sami's in particular, but all of them really. Am pleased with this:>

Music of the moment: Melissa Ferrick and various stuff I downloaded
Favorite? TH and Grrr, I have beautiful friends, they're my backbone:>

S-K ©Milkshake n' honey